.Vulnerable

If you read my last post, I'm sure you noticed that it came from the heart. On occasion, we are all guilty of portraying life as fan-freaking-tastic when it's really not. So I felt I needed to get some things off my chest and truly I did feel a lot better afterward.

Thankfully, one of the stressors has lifted itself! We got the good news that our house had sold yesterday and we are over the moon! It's still a little stressful that we have to find a new place in the next two months, but we've seen a lot of places we like so it's just a matter of making a decision. We are looking for our "almost forever" home - which means we are looking for a place to settle for the next 20ish years or so until Kendrick and one day future baby move out. Then the plan is to build our dream home. There are definitely some exciting times ahead!

Father's Day actually went a lot better this year. I'm not sure what it was, but it didn't seem like there was a black cloud hanging over the day like there was last year. I'm so lucky to have such an amazing man as my husband and the Father to Kendrick!

Photo by Breanne Marie, Edmonton

Photo by Mandi D Photography, Edmonton 

I crushed my first 15K of the season this past weekend! I'll be honest, I don't know why I signed up for a 15K when I was probably only ready for a 10. When I signed up for the race package I tried to up my mileage in the monthly races leading up to the Edmonton half. I should have done another 10K, and then completed my first 15K in July. When I realized my error it was too late to do any changes so I went for it anyways. Considering the course was pretty hilly and through some thin trains at some points, I felt not too bad for the first 12K. The last 3K however were tough and I was struggling. I was also a dummy and didn't eat beforehand, which is a no no especially for a long run like that. Usually under 10K I can get away using an empty stomach and sport beans, but 15K was too long. My longest run previous to this was 9K and although I didn't feel prepared, I actually wasn't too disappointed with my time of 1:46:09. I have another 15K on July 1 (which is actually my favourite race of the year, the Canada Day Road Race) and another on July 10 before the big half on August 21. My goal for this week is to run 9K tomorrow and 12K this weekend to hopefully get my stamina up. I also didn't feel as sore after the 15K as I thought I would, which means my cross training at Blitz Conditioning boot camp is paying off.

Speaking of boot camp, we are outside and I don't know what it is but mosquitos LOVE me. It's awful. Even after wearing bug spray my legs have at least 25 bites on them. I don't understand why they like me so much!

I'm still working on losing about 7 pounds so that my abs show up a little more. It would be really nice to do this before I get pregnant again, as I've heard it's much harder to lose the weight the second time around. I've been keeping up with bootcamp every Tuesday and stairs every Wednesday, and running 1-2 times on Monday, Thursday or Friday. I think the biggest thing for me is eating. I need to be planning better and eating better as I know I haven't been at my best lately. The food prep has been tough, I just haven't had the energy at night. I need to get better at this! My goal is to get back on the meal planning wagon this weekend. I am motivated!

I'm also craving a vacation. Particularly to Disneyworld. One can dream...

xo

-Dianne

PS: I tried out a new Epicure recipe for pancakes for Father's Day breakfast, and it went really well! I literally went on the Epicure website and searched for "pancakes" and decided to try the Whole Wheat Banana Pancakes recipe. The only difference is I added a tablespoon of cocoa to get some healthy chocolate flavour without the calories and the sugar of the chocolate chips. They tasted amazing! I think next time I may try adding some Sweet Coconut Vegan Protein Blend protein powder to the mixture too! I also used only whole wheat flower as well. 

PPS: I think I'm going to invest in a new pair of Nikes next month! I'm brand loyal and I've been using Nike Flex for the last few years and am looking to change it up. Anyone have a favourite brand of Nike runners they recommend? I'm looking at trying out the Nike Free Run Distance shoe as that was rated #1 by a poll I saw, but I am not sure if I'll need more support than that yet.

.Struggle

Truth be told, I haven't felt very inspired lately.

Trying to juggle a 15 month old, a marriage, a full time job, part time classes, half marathon training, eating healthy more often than not and the stress of trying to sell a house and looking for a new house has taken a toll on me. Not to mention around Father's Day I always get sad because I'm missing my Dad. I am tired & I am drained. I gained a couple pounds back that I lost. I haven't been able to sleep more than seven hours for the last three weeks except for maybe once, and this past week Kendrick has been waking up at night or waking up really early in the morning (probably because I noticed a new tooth the other day). Even though I know you can't technically "catch up" on sleep, I haven't been able to fall asleep easily or feel really refreshed in the morning for a really long time.

Sometimes I find it hard to take a big step back and take a deep breath. I need to work on that. My usually spunky positive personality has been a bit more negative as of late, which is not like me.  One thing that has always de-stressed me is running. When I'm out there, I forget everything else and my mind has a chance to wander. I finish my run with a clear head and a smile on my face. I think this is one of the reasons I got hooked on running in the first place!

New, longer blog post coming soon. Tonight, I head to bed to prep for my first 15K of the season tomorrow. I leave you with some food for thought. I think we all need this reminder once and awhile.

xo

-Dianne

PS: I am addicted to Epicure's Pico Salsa mix. I seriously have made it 3 times in the last two weeks. I'm going through tomatoes like I'm going out of style! Quick and easy, the recipe includes tomatoes, cilantro, lemon juice, garlic and Epicure Pico spice. It's incredibly healthy too! If you like salsa, I definitely suggest you order some.

PPS: I can't help but be brand loyal to Nike. Really pumped about my new shirt that I treated myself to today. "There is no finish line" foreshadows the marathon training I will be doing once I heal up from whenever next baby comes around. Hopefully it gives me some good luck tomorrow!

.Candid

It's been a bit of whirlwind week! Last Sunday at this time I was feeling a little funny, in pain, and wondering if something was happening. Fast forward to 5:26AM on Monday, March 9 and our beautiful baby boy was born! Welcome to the world, Kendrick Peter Gene!

Many people have asked where we came up with the name Kendrick, and honestly after looking through hundreds of baby names it kind of just came to me. I asked Brian what he thought and he's says "I don't mind that". That was the very first name that we both didn't veto right away as we were having trouble agreeing on names, and then it started to grow on us as the months went by. We did have a couple others and didn't make the final decision until about an hour after he was born when we both had the chance to take a good look at him. The middle names are after his grandpas which unfortunately passed away before he was born.

I'll be candid for a moment and tell you that actual labour was terrifying. Pregnancy itself was very scary for me (mostly due to me being paranoid), and I was thankful that after the first trimester things evened out a bit and I felt a lot better.  

We'll start off from a week ago. I woke up in the morning feeling not so great. I was feeling pain and it was getting really hard to walk from all the pressure on my pelvis. I was fairly confident that the baby had "dropped" completely, which means that labour could start any time. Being only three days away from my due date I hadn't had any other signs of labour so I was starting to wonder if I was going to be overdue. Despite this, the last few weeks I had a feeling that the baby would be coming around the due date so I wasn't really sure what to think. We made a quick trip to Costco that morning and then a stop at Buy Buy Baby to pick up some last minute things for the baby. After that we had a visit with friends, and Brian installed the car seat in his car. I started to notice that my pain was getting worse and seemed to be coming and going. For some reason I thought contractions would be a lot higher in the belly than they were, so I didn't actually start timing them until about 5:30. I used an app called "CTX Timer" (honestly, what would we do without technology these days) to try and track them and find out a pattern. They started out being 7-8 minutes apart and then got farther apart but more intense. This is when we decided to slowly start preparing in case we needed to go to the hospital. We both took showers, made sure the hospital bags were ready to go, and did some last minute de-cluttering. By the time we started to get ready for bed the contractions were around 5-6 minutes apart and I knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep. Brian called the Labour and Delivery at the hospital and explained what was going on, and they said we were welcome to come in for an assessment so we decided to go and check it out. Just as we were leaving the house the contractions started to get 2-3 minutes apart - and at that point I was very grateful we only lived three minutes away from the hospital!  Upon arrival they did some initial checks and let us know that I was 3CM dilated and they were going to keep me. If reality hadn't set in initially it sure set in then! We then got wheeled to a private room where I pretty much had to be monitored constantly and wait for labour to progress. 

We had prepared to be in labour for awhile since the average for first time moms is usually pretty long (I believe they told us in prenatal classes it was around 20 hours), however mine was progressing really fast. An hour and a half later I was at 6CM and the contraction pain was pretty tough. I finally gave in and asked for an epidural. I really wanted to try to have a natural birth, however I am well aware of my pain tolerance and actually a little impressed with how far I made it. After reading me all the things that can go wrong (similar to the end of drug commercials on American channels), they proceeded and it was a huge relief. When I couldn't feel the contractions anymore I was able to nap on and off. All of a sudden I was at 9.5CM and that's when things stalled. They topped up my epidural and I feel like gave me too much because after that point I couldn't feel anything from the stomach down, nor could I move. Every time I had a contraction the baby's heart rate was going down, so the doctors were getting concerned. Although he was head down, he was facing upward instead of downward so they constantly tried to move him around. It took awhile and they finally got him turned, but at that point he wasn't moving when I tried to push. It came to the point where the doctor finally said that for the safety of both of us, they'd need to perform an emergency c-section. Although I knew this always could have been an option, I wasn't really prepared and I was scared. Again, the doctor went through the pros and cons and then got me to sign a waiver saying it was ok. As I got wheeled into the operating room they made Brian wait outside until they were ready to start, and that was the worst because he'd been holding my hand the whole time. I could tell he was just as terrified as I was but he was trying to stay strong for me. They finally let him in after he put on scrubs and again had to top up my epidural so I wouldn't feel anything. Thankfully they put up a curtain so I couldn't actually see what was going on (which I'm very thankful for as I think I would have passed out if they didn't). I swear less than two minutes passed and the baby was being rushed over to a table near by with three doctors hovering around him. We both didn't understand why he wasn't crying. That's what happens in the movies right? The baby is born and immediately starts crying? His eyes were wide open and his chest was moving but he wasn't making a sound and we were both terrified. They had a tube down his throat and we found out later that when babies are born by c-section they are usually in shock, so they have to pump out some mucus that was in his lungs. He finally started to make noise and the nurses turned to us and said that everything was ok and he's happy and healthy and that he was one of the most adorable babies they had ever seen. *Insert sigh of relief here*

Although my experience was scary, it certainly isn't the same for everyone; if anything I've learned that every pregnancy and labour experience is different. Me personally, I hope that I never have to go through a C-Section again! I was very lucky that there was only six hours between arriving at the hospital and giving birth, and I am also extremely lucky that I have one incredible husband who slept on a bench for four days, stayed by my side in the hospital and has been so hands on and supportive through this experience! And when they say that you'll forget all the pain once you get to hold your baby for the very first time, that is 100% true. We couldn't be more thankful for our bundle of joy. :)

Besides my butt being ridiculously sore from having to stay in a hospital bed in almost the same position for four days straight, the staples were removed off my incision yesterday and I'm feeling pretty mobile. The nurse says it's healing really well, so hopefully it stays that way! My belly is slowly shrinking and I've lost 13 lbs. Woo hoo! I'm still on painkillers for the time being, but the pain is starting to get less and less so hopefully by the end of the week I'll be lowering the dosage or off them completely. I'm very thankful that Brian was able to get a few extra days off so we can go through this learning curve together and spend time with the little man! I'm looking forward to leaving the house at some point this week - I've been pretty stir-crazy and I know I'm missing all the beautiful weather!

Life is busy but looking forward to blogging a little more often this year. Stay tuned! :)

xo
-Dianne

PS. Talked to the nurse and she said I could talk to the doctor at the six week mark and discuss when I could get back to running and being active again. YAY. I have April 20th circled on the calendar and hope I heal up nicely so I can slowly get back into things. For now, she said I can walk if I feel up to it, so if the weather stays nice Kendrick & I may go exploring in the neighbourhood.

.Bug

It's no secret I have the travel bug. I'm practically planning my next vacation the day I get back from one. Don't get me wrong, it has nothing to do with me not liking Edmonton. I LOVE this city and hope to live here all of my life. I just love to explore new cities and do new things! I definitely got that from my Dad. 

Currently I have four vacations (at least) I want to take while I'm on mat leave. Vegas in July (Stella & Dot's national conference), Vancouver in October (Rock & Roll Half Marathon), Australia in November (to see hubby's sister & brother in law) and Florida in February (Princess Half Marathon). The only thing that is booked right now is Vancouver - and by booked all I mean is my entrance into the race. Nothing else will get booked until we make sure the baby is born and healthy and he's doing ok. Of course there's always that fun money issue...

My husband thinks that I think money grows on trees. Funny, because my parents used to say this all the time to me when I was a kid. I'll be the first one to say that I am not the greatest financial planner. I'm definitely better than I used to be, but one would say I'm not the best with money. So to plan four vacations on mat leave pay which I believe is about 55% may be a little crazy. That being said, I am determined!

I've been a little stressed about financials during mat leave but people keep telling me it's not as bad as it seems. I won't be driving to and from work every day so that will save me gas money. I'll be eating at home more often so that will cut down on the food budget for eating out. Our plan is to buy a lot of veggies and groceries a few weeks before the baby is due and start preparing freezer meals, so on those rough days when I'm tired and feeling lazy it will be easy to pop a pre-made meal in the freezer or slo-cooker. During January & February, I'm going to really work my Stella & Dot business and make some extra money to go into mat leave with. I plan to save my pennies as much as possible and see how the year goes!

The beach on our honeymoon in Saint Maarten in February/March 2014

We all have priorities. Although I'm settled down, I still want to see the world! But there has to be a happy balance. After March, we'll be providing for an extra person! And he will take priority over everything. I guess we'll see how it goes, but I'm motivated and excited to make this work! I've been pinning some tips on traveling with babies so I will definitely be educating myself so I'm prepared. 2015 is going to bring some unique challenges but also, hopefully, great joy. Happy early new year everyone!

xo

-Dianne

PS: I am ashamed to admit I never got into the squat challenge from the last post. I haven't even done ONE. Ug. I did go boxing day shopping on December 26th and got a great work out walking around West Edmonton Mall though! My feet have been sore for two days but it was 100% worth it. I snagged some good deals. All the maternity stores were empty - I assume because most people at seven months pregnant have no desire to deal with malls on Boxing Day! :)

PPS: HUGE winter sale going on at www.stelladot.com/DianneCK - you should check it out! Treat yourself to an after Christmas present :)

.Dad

I'd be lying if I said this time of year doesn't make me a little bit grumpy. Not just grumpy, but angry and sad too. It's unfair that my Dad isn't here to celebrate Father's Day with us. He was a great Dad, and it's hard to believe that he's been gone for 2 1/2 years already.

My Dad passed away on December 23rd, 2011 from a massive heart attack. We knew he had been stressed out and his health wasn't the greatest, but we certainly never expected something like that to happen. Hearing the words "Your Dad has a heart attack, we need to go the hospital right now" just made my heart hit the ground. We were all actually on our way to catch the pre-season game between Canada and Sweden in the World Juniors tournament, and we hadn't even made it 5 minutes from the house before we got the call. Getting to the hospital and being told that your Dad didn't make it, particularly two days before Christmas, is most definitely the worst feeling I've ever had in my life.

Thankfully, earlier that afternoon we had lunch as a family at one of our favorite restaurants, Thanh Thanh (The Oriental Noodle House) on 101 Street. I was working as it was a busy time and I was trying to get everything organized to get my work visa for the London Olympics - but I am so thankful that we were able to carve out some time to go for lunch that day, which had actually been planned almost a week prior. Although dinner was good, my Dad and I had gotten into a stupid argument about the work visa, because he thought he knew the process to get one and I was sure he didn't. At the end of lunch, I rushed out and didn't give either of my parents a hug before I left because I was in a hurry. I still think about that moment often, because it was so selfish of me to just leave. Of course I didn't know that it would be the last time I'd ever see him alive, but I really wish now that I hadn't been in such a hurry because that little moment would have made a difference, at least for me.

I have so many good memories of my Dad. He was a great sports Dad; he came to almost every single one of my baseball games, gymnastics competitions, and pretty much anything my brother and I did as kids. He picked me and all my friends up at the bar and drove us home when I didn't have a car, because he wanted to make sure we didn't drink and drive and that we'd all get home safe. He was so supportive in everything I did, and was so proud when I got my dream job of working for the Oilers. He always thought it was awesome that I always managed to get the coolest jobs, and that I had managed to work for both of the major sports teams in the city. He told silly jokes over and over again and even though we rolled our eyes, he giggled about it every time. He was a fantastic photographer, and took pictures any moment he could. He also loved Paris, and since his passing I've found myself loving it even more. I was so pumped that my Dad was around when I told him I got accepted to volunteer for the 2012 Olympics in London, and he was even thinking of joining me for awhile when I was there. I did head to Paris for one day while on my trip as a tribute to him, and made sure to have a real croissant this time, as when I went when I was in Grade 8, he couldn't believe that I didn't have a fresh croissant at a French cafe! Once at the dinner table, he was trying to get mustard out of the squeeze bottle and it literally exploded all over the table, walls, and even the ceiling - and we all just couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. He always called me his #1 Daughter, even though I was his only daughter.

I'll probably be staying away from public places and social media on Sunday just because I know it will make me a little sad. But I feel so blessed that I have such great parents, and that my Dad was around for as long as he was. 

Happy Father's Day Dad. I miss you.

xo
-Dianne

PS: I am running in a 15K race tomorrow morning called "Run For Your Dad" and I'm raising money for the Heart and Stroke Foundation in my Dad's memory. If you would like to donate, please use the following link: https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1079555&supId=406821148