Struggle

Happy New Year!

Do you remember the last time you felt completely relieved of stress? A time where there was absolutely nothing weighing you down? No matter what life threw at you, you felt fantastic and ready to tackle the world?

I do. It was in February & March of 2014. We went on our honeymoon for two weeks of wedded bliss on the beautiful island of St. Maarten. We got a free trip courtesy of Westjet when I won a raffle at a Mother's Day fundraiser for Wings of Providence which offers help & shelter to women who have suffered from family violence. I literally picked one of the farthest places that Westjet traveled at the time. We didn't really have a budget after the wedding for a honeymoon, so this was definitely an unexpected bonus trip. I hadn't really heard much about the island so going there was a surprise for both of us, and it was nothing short of amazing. Clear white sand, crystal clear blue water, two different countries on one little island, a spot to watch planes literally fly right over your head, and two weeks of pure relaxation. Although we booked some excursions, we had a lot of days where we flew by the seat of our pants and spent the day on the beach or in the pool. We didn't party like crazy and got a good night's sleep every night and besides excursion days we slept in every morning. I came back to work after two and a half weeks off feeling refreshed, clear headed and ready to tackle anything.

As you can see by that date, that was almost three years ago. This isn't to say I've been a stress case for almost three years, but I certainly haven't felt that that feeling of complete freedom and clearheadedness in a very long time.

I knew being a working Mom would be tough. But I guess I never realized how tough! I give props to all of the Moms in my life who've been doing this for years and to those I've met since I've had Kendrick! I always appreciated that it was a challenge but I definitely have a new found respect.

I was scrolling through Facebook yesterday and came across an article called "This is What Every Working Mom Needs To Hear From Her Partner". I admit I was intrigued, so I clicked on it and read the article. Although I get a ton of support from my husband and didn't agree with the entire article, there were a few sentences that really stood out at me.

"I have too much on my plate and feel like a failure. Every area of my life gets 60% of my best. That's a D. I'm failing. Wouldn't you look ragged and old if you were coasting through life with a D?"

"That's all I can muster and I know it sucks, but I will gregariously tackle tomorrow and shoot for an A. Maybe I'll fall short (again), but could you please tell me I'm doing a good job?" 

- Melanie Okana, "This Is What Every Working Mom Needs To Hear From Her Partner"

Bingo.

This pretty much nailed exactly how I was feeling for especially the last few months, but I was unable to put it into words. I've known myself for almost 35 years now and have a pretty good idea of what makes me tick, how I work, and what I can handle. I suffer from major Mommy Guilt - which is essentially every time I miss out on a moment with my son or feel like I need a little time to myself, I feel guilty. I've been a multi-tasker all my life and never had an issue juggling my schedule until I had my son. Neither my husband or I work 9-5 jobs and although we like that type of atmosphere it certainly got a little more complicated to organize when Kendrick came into the world.

Don't get me wrong, having Kendrick was one of the best things that ever happened to me! And I am so, so happy that I became a Mom. But I'm starting to realize that having a family, a full time job, a part time side gig, completing my degree, running, working out, blogging and organizing multiple events can be a little much for one person. I'm a terrible delegator. I like to do everything myself because I have an expectation on how I want things done. I have a prioritizing problem. I like to make To Do lists but never know where to start! I'm one of those people who doesn't like the little number bubbles beside apps on her iPhone, so I'm sure you can imagine how I feel when I look at my iPhone looking like this:

This number was at 0 before I went on maternity leave. Because I wasn't on my computer as often once I had my little guy, I started getting behind on reading my personal inboxes. Note that 95% of these emails are likely from companies that I've signed up for their mailing lists, but this little red number bubble bugs me EVERY DAY! It's just another box on my never ending To Do list that I need to check off. Because of this, I also have problems sleeping and staying asleep at night which leads to being very tired during the day.

One of my goals for 2017 is to simplify my life. I'm still the same sparkly, bubbly, positive person I've always been, but unfortunately it's only about 60-70% of the time. I'm looking to improve that number to about 80%. I am very lucky I have a great husband, a great family, great friends and an overall great support system so I know I can get through this! I started to use some of my Moksha Yoga passes on my week off at Christmas, and felt amazing afterward! I need to get back to going in the mornings and starting the day off right. I still have some time before my girls trip to Vegas, so I want to get back on track and start eating better, doing yoga & maybe even doing some treadmill running to get back into shape and improve my well being.

Do me a favour, will you? If you see another Mom that looks flustered, whether she's with her kids her or not, tell her she's doing a good job. I am 100% sure she'll appreciate it. I know, I would! We'll never get tired of hearing it and you just never know - at that moment she may be suffering from mom guilt, been a victim of mom shaming or may be having an "I'm a terrible Mom" moment. Something small like that could make her day!

xo
-Dianne

PS: I didn't write this post to get pity and I certainly have no regrets. I thought it was good timing to be real about my feelings as it coincides with #BellLetsTalk day. Our mental health is important, and talking about it is the first step!

PPS: Winter is my favourite season. I have an amazing spot in my new office where my desk is right beside floor to ceiling windows that overlook downtown and I love all the sunshine that beams down on my desk. As much as I love the winter and the snow, my workouts also tend to slow down. I love running but I hate the treadmill and I'm too much of a wimp to run in the cold (not to mention I'm worried about injuring my klutzy self by tripping on the ice & snow). It's about this time of year that I start to get antsy and want to start running again. I came across the Jasper Canadian Rockies Half Marathon which takes place on April 8th & I think I might sign up.  This leaves me with just over two months to get training (usually I start three months prior, give or take a few days) and to be quite honest I haven't run since September. But maybe it's time to take a plunge and have something to look forward to! I plan to make the decision in the next couple weeks, so stay tuned!

.Hello

Oh hey blog, it's me Dianne. Do you remember me?

The last time there was a long pause between blog posts I announced I was pregnant...

I'm not pregnant.

I don't really have any other explanation than life happened. In the last six months I ran a half marathon, moved houses, moved offices, helped open Rogers Place, watched my baby really turn into a toddler, got two viral infections and one bad cold in a 2.5 month span and had a cough that lasted over three months, stopped working out, unpacked a lot of boxes, ramped up my Stella & Dot business, left Kendrick for the very first time for over 24 hours, planned a trip to Vegas with my girlfriends to see the Backstreet Boys in March 2017, had minor surgery, and raised money for the Mazankowski Heart Institute - in no particular order. Needless to say, it's been a little busy.

Let's rewind back to August. I didn't feel as prepared as I wanted to be for the Edmonton Half, however I was feeling pretty good. I ended up investing in some new runners a little over a month before the race (Nike Air Zoom Pegasus), and so far they have been very comfy! While I was at the start line I was still trying to decide whether I use the run/walk method or just run it out, and I ended up deciding to run it out. I was feeling ok for most of the race but started to get tired during the last 5K. At 18.5KM the 2:30 pace bunny ran by me and I decided that that I was way too close to hitting my goal to give up now...so I blew by them and almost sprinted the last 2.5KM. I ended up beating my personal best time and have a new PB of 2:28:33. 

Although I was happy, I KNOW I can do better and look forward to next year! I'm still not 100% sure when I'll be ready for baby #2, but for now I'm going to plan to run the Edmonton Half again, and possibly do some of the MEC races again although I was disappointed with their 15K's (aka they didn't have enough race marshals and I got lost on a couple of the routes) so hopefully they do get better in that department.

September and October were a bit of a blur! It was very busy at work and I admit that I let myself fall off the work out wagon. I ate out more, was lazy at night and didn't cook as often, and didn't have the energy to get up in the mornings to work out. I wanted to get back on track in November however that's when I started to get sick. It was viral infection after viral infection, and many trips to the doctor for them to tell me that there was nothing they could really do and it was very frustrating! Thankfully all that Kendrick ended up with was a runny nose for a few days. I did end up going to see my Naturopath who gave me some tips and now that I'm finished the meds for my cough I look forward to getting back on track and feeling better really soon! I also found out that I have 29 leftover passes at Moksha Yoga! 29!!!! It's been...oh I don't know...four or so years since I've been? I think I'm going to try and go this week and see if I can get it back into my routine again. 

We hosted Christmas dinner for the very first time ever at our new home! We moved at the end of August and I absolutely love it. Better neighbourhood, bigger and better house, and we couldn't be happier. We have an awesome bonus room now that is used as Kendrick's playroom and it's fantastic. Not to mention I swear our bedroom is twice the size and has an ensuite bathroom! It was so nice to be able to host Christmas dinner for our immediate families at our place, and we are pumped that the turkey and stuffing turned out and we didn't have to order pizza! :) 

Saw this quote on Facebook today and felt like it really spoke to me. 

I admit, I've been having a lot more "nothing" days lately simply because I've been so exhausted, mostly I think from being sick. Sometimes this working Mom thing is hard! But now that I'm starting to feel better and have a week off after Christmas to recharge, I'm looking forward to getting back into it and starting my New Year's resolutions early this year! My goal is to tone up and lose a bit around the belly before I head to Vegas in March, and I want to accomplish that by doing Yoga, going back to Blitz HIIT training (which I think is what helped me lose the last bit of baby weight at the beginning of 2016), doing stairs and running on some of my lunch breaks and doing some home work outs as well. I'm feeling good about 2017, are you?

It will not be six months before I write again! I promise!

xo

-Dianne

PS: After taking a bit of a break, I really ramped up my Stella & Dot business in November and it reminded me of how much fun it was (and how easy it was to make a little extra cash on the side!) If you are interested in beating the after Christmas blues and want to earn yourself some free jewelry to start the new year off right, email me at DianneCK39@gmail.com or tweet me @StyleByDianne and we'll set up a date! The new spring collection launches really soon and I'm looking for debut hostesses to show off the new line!

PPS: I went Boxing Day shopping today and it was awesome. I know some people don't understand why - but honestly, if you suck it up and go when the mall first opens first thing in the morning, it's not so bad! Maybe I saw that because all the stores I went to had no crazy lines, and I found a parking spot close to the door so I didn't have to bring in my jacket. All the clothes I bought today were 50-70% off! You can't go wrong with that! :)

.Clarity

So much for wanting to blog three times a month! If there were 26-27 hours in a day, I'm pretty sure I could fill them all!

Ever wake up one day and all of a sudden see clarity? It's amazing how sometimes something unexpected can happen and completely change your perspective on a situation. I know I'm being vague, but I can truly say I woke up yesterday morning feeling refreshed not from a good night's sleep (what's a good night's sleep?), but because I realized that some things are just meant to be.

It's been three and a half weeks since I went back to work and I'm finally starting to get into a bit of a groove. When we get home Kendrick gets a light dinner, and then we play until bed time. The time between us getting home and him going to bed is only between one to two hours on average, which doesn't leave a lot of time for much else! For the first three weeks I can count on one hand how many times I was able to cook dinner, and most of those times we didn't eat until after 7:30-8PM when Kendrick was in bed. Also, forget about making lunches! There was just no time in the morning (and nothing ready in the fridge) so we were eating out at lunch a lot. The last couple days though I'm happy to report that I'm starting to get the hang of it. I've been able to make dinner and prepare lunches the night before so we can just grab them in the morning. It's healthier, it's quick, and I'm feeling really good that I'm starting to find some balance.

The last couple weeks I've also been leading up a group at work to jog and do stairs at lunch time once a week. One of my co-workers had the idea and I've gone twice now and it's been awesome! It's been a little chilly (which is odd, because before that the weather had been gorgeous for a few weeks) and I anticipate there will be more of us when it becomes nicer. I actually love lunch time work outs almost as much as I love my early mornings (and when I say I love early mornings I mean usually after the work out, not so much when I'm attempting to get out of bed). I'm loving that I can be active in the early morning and at lunch and it doesn't take away the time I spend with my little guy in the evenings. When I weighed myself this morning I was two pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight, which means that I'm three pounds away from my original goal. I have to say that I feel great! All the pants I bought for work on Boxing Day are now a little too big!

While jogging up and down the stairs at lunch yesterday, I found myself thinking about my next half marathon in August. At the beginning of my running season, I always can't believe that I can actually run a half marathon because I'm pretty much starting from scratch every spring as I don't run much in the winter. I was telling my co-worker that I wanted to run a marathon one day, but not until I could run a sub two hour half marathon - which right now for me is shaving 33 minutes off my time. That's a lot! However, every year since I started running in 2009 I've been able to shed a few more minutes off of that personal best (with this year shaving 10 minutes off my personal best). My mind started wandering and I thought about following a pace bunny. For those of you who don't know what that is, people train to run a half marathon in a specific time (some using the run/walk method) and run the race carrying a big sign with the estimated finish time. People fall them to pace themselves and finish around that time. My strategy has always been to run until I'm tired, power walk a bit and drink some water, and then keep going. It's worked for me so far, but I still have a lot of time to make up to hit my goal. I've never really done the run 10 minutes walk one minute plan either, but I'm thinking I might try it with the pace bunny next race. We'll see how it goes!

As good as I'm feeling, meal planning has gone out the window this past month. As I'm starting to feel more settled with everything, I'm going to go back and try it again hopefully after Easter this weekend.

xo
-Dianne

PS: Confession: I am addicted to Justin Beiber's new song, "Love Yourself". I don't know why but I could seriously listen to the song on repeat. Side note: I don't usually listen to Beebs so this is really odd for me!

PPS: After a bit of a stressful day this week, I got home and my hubby presented me with a gift. I think every woman needs one of these because we all have these days!

.Goals

Oh hello, blog.  Nice to see you again!

Let's go back to October. The Vancouver Rock n Roll Half Marathon was a lot of fun! It was a little hilly but it just reminded me that I really have to work on hill training more often. My official time was 2:34:37, which is less than a minute slower than my personal best. Considering the hills and how my training slowed down as I was gearing up for our trip to Australia, I was perfectly satisfied with that! It was also nice to have my husband, Kendrick and my cousin Julia cheering me on at the finish line. The only weird thing is my Nike Running app went a little wonky during the run! I'm not sure if it was because of the sea level changes, but my app's GPS had me running a good 2KM farther than the 21.1KM when I finished. I'd like to think that the 1/2 marathon route was measured properly so I'm not sure why there was this issue. It makes me wonder how accurate the GPS actually is even when I'm running in Edmonton? It was off when I did the Canada Day 15KM race too.

After running the race at 8AM, that night at 11:30PM we left for Australia to visit my sister in law and brother in law! Kendrick did pretty awesome considering it was a 16 hour flight to Sydney. He's now been on 12 planes so far in his almost 10 month life, and for the most part he's been an absolute rock star! I'm so very happy that he seems to love travelling as much as his Mommy. 

Spending a month in another country with an eight month old is definitely an adventure! While we were there he got three more teeth, and learned to army crawl, crawl, pull himself to standing and go from his tummy to sitting up! Although hitting all these milestones was awesome, it made the flight home a little challenging because our little love bug didn't want to sit still! In the future if I was travelling with a baby I would definitely go before they are mobile or when they are old enough to be entertained by a movie or iPad. Overall though the trip was amazing. We got to spend some quality time with family, and Kendrick got to do some amazing things! My highlight was taking a giant boat out for a day trip to the Great Barrier Reef and going snorkelling. I bought medication to help with sea sickness (which I didn't know I had until our trip to Jamaica in 2013) which made the boat ride fantastic! I look forward to going back one day - maybe if/when there is a baby #2!

We've now entered winter (which is my favourite season), but unfortunately winter means I become a little bit of a lazy-bug. Running is my jam, but as soon as the snow and ice come I stop. I don't want to take the chance of falling or injuring myself, and well let's face it: I'm a whimp. I've hit a little bit of a winter rut. I have just over two months left of maternity leave and I'd like to take one more class with Kendrick before I go back to work, so that will be nice. I decided that next week I'm going to try out Blitz Conditioning. They have a 6AM HIIT class (High Intensity Interval Training) that may work perfect as Brian can be home with Kendrick and I'll be home on time for him to get ready for work. The only problem is, 6AM is EARLY! I'm still not sleeping that great (and I still don't have an answer as to why) so I'd have to try my best to go to bed as soon as Kendrick goes to bed to maximize my sleep so I'm not a zombie at the work out. I'm a measly two pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight and seven away from my goal weight so ideally I'd like to hit that goal before I go back to work in March! I still have some passes to Moksha Yoga too that I need to use up. It's been years since I've gone and I miss it!

Speaking of back to work, I'm getting a little anxious when I think about it. I am looking forward to spending time with my co-workers and going back into the work world but it's hard for me to imagine being away from my little dude for 8-9 hours a day, five days a week! I feel like there will be tears. Does it get easier?

Looking ahead, it's hard to believe it will be 2016 by the end of this week! I usually make some sort of resolutions but I find that I don't always keep them. To be honest I don't even remember what mine were from last year! In my blog post from December 28 last year, I talked about planning some vacations and we ended up going on 3/4 I had planned. Likely in 2016 there won't be as much travel as Australia was expensive (but so worth it), but I still have some ideas on how to get out of town for at least a mini get away every once and awhile. I'm going to write my goals for 2016 down so I can hold myself accountable!

2016 Goals

~ Hit my goal weight and maintain it (give or take five pounds)

~ Pay down debt and be in a better position to start 2017

~ Date night once a month where Kendrick goes on a sleepover

~ Save $2000 towards a 2017 vacation

~ Start #365DaysOfGratitude & post at least one thing every day that I'm grateful for

~ Take up a new hobby

~ Blog at least three times a month

~ Run all 7 MEC runs (you can buy the value pack by clicking here) and complete at least one half marathon - obtain a new personal best!

I feel like if I can accomplish all of these I'll be not only a better person, but I'll go into 2017 with a fresh, positive outlook! What are your goals for 2016?

xo

-Dianne

PS: I need to do some baking! We went to State & Main for brunch this past weekend and Brian had banana bread french toast. It was amazing, and definitely do-able. Now I'm inspired and want to try it... Kendrick is starting to eat more finger foods and he already likes bananas so I think this would go well! Now to scour Pinterest for the perfect recipe...

PPS: Stella & Dot is having a fabulous sale! Check it out - www.stelladot.com/DianneCK. If you find you like everything, consider hosting a trunk show in January so you can earn some bling for free. :)

.Systems

Happy New Year!

I've read a lot of posts in the last few weeks about how resolutions aren't good to make on new years because people always break them. Kind of like how the gym is always busy the first couple weeks of January but then goes back to normal by February 1st because a lot of people have fallen off the bandwagon.

I guess that's kind of true, but I think it depends on your perseverance and how much you want to achieve your goals. I truly believe that you can accomplish any reasonable goal that you put your mind to. Resolutions are no different. It's one thing to say you're going to eat healthy and get fit, but unless you actually do it they are just words.

I've been really pondering possible resolutions in the last few weeks. I want them to be realistic and achievable, but the same time it's so hard to plan sometimes when I know my life is going to change dramatically in the next couple months with the birth of our first child. My beautiful Stella & Dot mentor and leader Stacy posted an very interesting article in one of our Facebook groups the other day called "An Almost Foolproof Way to Achieve Every Goal You Set" which I encourage you to read. One line that really stands out at me is the following:

"When you're working toward a goal, you're essentially saying, "I'm not good enough yet... but I will be when I reach my goal."

Being part of the 2012 Olympics (as a volunteer) is now checked off my bucket list!

What do you think? It's certainly an interesting way of putting it. I know that if I make goals and I don't succeed, I get pretty bummed out about it and sometimes even feel like a bit of a failure which is not a good thing. This article talks about the work leading up to the goal, and if you continue to focus on that work (named "systems" in the article) that you will likely be more successful than focusing on the goal itself. I actually like this approach. The more effort you put in, the more it will show, and the more you will succeed.

I've noticed since I've become pregnant that I haven't been as eating as healthy as I could be. Some of it's due to pure laziness, some of it's to random cravings, and some is because some days (to be brutally honest) I just don't care. This isn't to say that I've been eating junk food and crap most of the time, but I'm definitely eating more than I was. I'd like to change that. I'm still reading labels when I go to the grocery store, but I'm still finding more processed food turn up in my pantry (example, I currently have alphaghettis, hamburger helper and organic Mac n Cheese on hand). Knowing that the closer we get to baby time I'm going to get more tired and less likely to want to cook, my plans to work towards the goal of eating healthier this year are to prepare a ton of pre-made meals from scratch and fill up my freezer! This way when I'm too tired or forget to take meat out in the morning, I can throw a bagged freezer meal in a casserole dish or a pot and make a healthy meal with a small amount of work. Knowing this will hopefully help to eat out less and lose the 30+ pounds I've gained since becoming pregnant.

I also always make the goal to keep active during the year. I love running so much and actually miss it when I can't do it for long periods of time. I did set a goal of running a half marathon this year after the baby, and the race is in October. I know that no matter what my time, I WILL finish that race. I'm not looking for a personal best (although if I can train up to that point it would be a huge bonus) but I want to finish. We purchased a jogging stroller that holds the car seat and I'm looking forward to starting out walking and then eventually jogging when I'm ready and be able to take the baby with me (or for the longer runs, dropping the little guy off at Nonna's who conveniently happens to live in the river valley). This is my motivation and I'm hoping it will help my progress to the end goal of running that half marathon in October. On a side note, the article mentions that some people who run half marathons stop training when they run one. I feel the opposite! Every time I run one I get motivated to run another one and find another city to explore!

Lastly I want to grow my Stella & Dot business. Every year I attend our national sales conference I get more and more motivated to reach for the stars. This year will be the start of year #3 and I'm more motivated than ever to meet new people, grow my team, share the Stella & Dot love and make some extra money for my vacation addiction/problem (hehe) and the new baby! I barely even know what direct sales was when I started but I'm so pumped that I jumped in and tried something new that I knew nothing about. I've learned so much and have replaced the income of a part time job working way less hours!

I'm pretty pumped about 2015. What about you?

xo
-Dianne